what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
