Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
