The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
