well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
