Your face is a jimmy john
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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