I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
