ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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