I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
