Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
