The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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