Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
