My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
