I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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