help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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