My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
