rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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