sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
