I can text with my tongue
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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