"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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