Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
