Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
