So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize