dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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