so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize