His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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