i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
