is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
