I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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