not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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