My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
