That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
