i think my tv is drunk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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