We're like a lot better than the average bears
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Can Purell be used as lube?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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