You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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