Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
