she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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