you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
