she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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