You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
