im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
