a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
