So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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