I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
