get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
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do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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