I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
