you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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