aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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