Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
