can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
