i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
