I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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