My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
