omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
