Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
