Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
