I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
